My Dearest Melissa,
Your death has left a gaping hole in my life and in my heart,
producing an emptiness I know will never be filled. I will miss
your voice, the sound of your laughter, those funny endearing
things you did...your hugs and kisses that lifted me when I was
down...your calling me on the phone or coming in the door and
asking..."Where's my Gram?" And so many things that made
you the person I loved so dearly. I miss the bond we shared
from the time you were a little girl...that special bond that I
can never have again. I miss the secrets we shared and kept for
each other...the special closeness between Granddaughter and her
Gram. I miss your ever appreciative gestures for even the
smallest of things I did or said to you. I was and always will
be SO proud of you! I apologize if ever I disappointed you,
let you down, or neglected you. I never meant to do anything
other than love you. I miss the dreams I had for, and with you.
I miss the future we will never have and the past, which, no
matter how long it may have been...will never be long enough!
~~~~I miss you, my precious Angel!
I have wept for you as well as myself. I have cried for your
Mom and your Dad, and for your sister Michelle...for their
loss and their pain. I have prayed so hard to accept your death
and to understand why you are no longer with us. Why do we
have to struggle through this world without you? Some people
have reached out to me... to help me in my grief. Others have
turned away, unable to bear the pain I carry. I do not ask
them to share it with me, only to listen as I talk and cry.
But they aren't able... I am disappointed, but will love them
no less. I have waited in the darkness for some sign that you
are in a better and a safer place, and even when I may have
received it, I could not help but question how it could be better
if I am not there with you. And I have wanted to join you
so often when the aloneness threatened to overwhelm me.
Through all of this turmoil and doubt, I have managed to come
this far. Only God knows how I have, for I have leaned
on His strength and His love for me. And on His caring
enough to carry me through this...the most devastating time of
my life. I have not yet achieved my goal, but at least I can
now recognize that I am on the road to recovery. I am not
sure how I will go on without you; no matter how many other
important people may come into my life, you have always held a
special place, and it is hard to imagine life without you in it.
Will you now walk beside me as my friend, my confidante, and
forever as my dear and precious granddaughter? I cannot come
to you at this time; I can only trust that we will be reunited in
God's love and compassion. But my life must go on; it is time
for me to begin to live my life for myself and for others. I
must think of the rest of my family...whom I cherish.
I know that you will never be far from my thoughts, as I will
never leave yours. Thank you for the wonderful, unique, and
loving relationship we shared. I hold those memories so close
in my heart, as some of the very best times of my life. I
thank God for sharing you with us for sixteen years. Those
years will be treasured forever. I know you will never leave
our hearts and prayers, and you, in turn, will pray for all of
your loved ones that you left behind. For you are HOME
at last! When we meet once again, I look forward to sharing
these new experiences of your life and mine...with you.
As I think of letting go of you, I must now ask that you also
let go of me. Your new life must seem as strange to you as my
new life (without you) seems to me. Let us then, agree to
explore these new existences, these new spheres of reality,
knowing that we carry the other with us...with loving and open
hearts.
I LET YOU GO, MY DEAREST MELISSA!
I love you...I miss you...I will never forget you!
With all my love forever,
Your devoted Gram
I wrote this letter to Melissa shortly after her death. Though the thoughts are mine...I give
special thanks to NAN KEATON for the basic outline.
This Midi is: "CHERISH"
